If you’ve been reading my blog you’ll probably already be aware of this, but I often strive to have sense of control over my life. It manifests itself in several different ways, and its effects are always crippling. When I try to be in control and hold the different aspects of my life in my own hands, it is always limiting. I want to try and take hold of my school, family, job, and relationships and hold and nurture them with my own hands, and my own understanding. I want to hold them and I want to be in charge of them, and oh my goodness, how quickly anxiety sweeps in. In a very real way I quickly start dropping things. I cannot live my life to the fullest and hold it in my hands. Problems quickly escalate and spiral out of control, and my hands are just not big enough to hold it all.
Here I am again, at the start of several new and exciting chapters in my life, and I’m trying to hold it all in my hands, and sweeping in around me are anxiety, nervousness, and fear; but there, whispering through the darkness, I hear that still small voice asking me to hand it over to Him. His hands, and His hands alone can carry each and every aspect of my life. He and I go through this process time and time again, and each time there is joy when I finally hand it over. When I finally submit and obey and allow myself to become vulnerable at His feet. It’s a vulnerability that must move past lies that would have me believe I must hold on tighter, that if I’m not in absolute control things will fall apart. With these lies and my struggle for control comes anxiety, but through His grace I am able to believe the truth and hand over each part of my life to the only one who can handle them, to the only one who can hold them – and in this there is peace.