lost in the woods

Getting lost in the woods.

I continually dream about living somewhere with lots and lots of trees.  Yes, compared to other dreams of mine, this one may be rather small, or lack great significance towards accomplishing things in life.  However, it makes me very very happy.  I live in Oklahoma, and while it is much prettier than most people assume, it’s no North Carolina, Georgia, Oregon, or Washington.  I truly hope at some point life will bring me towards a state that has some magnificent trees.  I take after my dad in this dream.  We both love the outdoors.  We love hiking, wandering, reading, and just sitting outside preferably surrounded by beauty.  To me one of the most beautiful things out there are trees, flowers, and nature in general.  I love the forest.  I love our annual summer trip to New Mexico spending days surrounded by such natural beauty.

I love being completely surrounded by trees and nature.  Just being there feels like worship.  One day I think it will be beautiful to live somewhere where I can walk through the woods whenever I like, and soon be surrounded by it.  It’s one of those things that makes me deeply, truly happy.  It’s one of the things that I find to be the most beautiful.  It makes me feel cared for and loved by my creator that He allows me to see such great things.  Being there just me and the woods, it feels like sharing a secret with my Savior. It’s almost automatically intimate and I love to savor every moment with Him.

in His hands

If you’ve been reading my blog you’ll probably already be aware of this, but I often strive to have sense of control over my life.  It manifests itself in several different ways, and its effects are always crippling.  When I try to be in control and hold the different aspects of my life in my own hands, it is always limiting. I want to try and take hold of my school, family, job, and relationships and hold and nurture them with my own hands, and my own understanding.  I want to hold them and I want to be in charge of them, and oh my goodness, how quickly anxiety sweeps in.  In a very real way I quickly start dropping things.  I cannot live my life to the fullest and hold it in my hands.  Problems quickly escalate and spiral out of control, and my hands are just not big enough to hold it all.

 

Here I am again, at the start of several new and exciting chapters in my life, and I’m trying to hold it all in my hands, and sweeping in around me are anxiety, nervousness, and fear; but there, whispering through the darkness, I hear that still small voice asking me to hand it over to Him.  His hands, and His hands alone can carry each and every aspect of my life.  He and I go through this process time and time again, and each time there is joy when I finally hand it over.  When I finally submit and obey and allow myself to become vulnerable at His feet.  It’s a vulnerability that must move past lies that would have me believe I must hold on tighter, that if I’m not in absolute control things will fall apart.  With these lies and my struggle for control comes anxiety, but through His grace I am able to believe the truth and hand over each part of my life to the only one who can handle them, to the only one who can hold them – and in this there is peace.

good fruit.

We spend a lot of time stuffing emotions that they are ashamed of.  Whether it’s feelings of jealousy, resentment, hate, or anything under the sun that contradicts the teachings of Christ, we often try to deal with them the same way.  What I see is that people are trying to cover up these negative emotions, or try to pretend that’s not what they really feel.  We become ashamed of them, and try to pile good emotions on top of them.  It doesn’t matter how much good fruit you pile on top of the rot, its still there, and it still stinks.  Instead it becomes a constant internal battle of trying to cover up the feelings that we know are not of Christ.  It happens all the time, and I don’t know anyone, myself included, who has not tried this method of dealing with negative emotions and feelings.

It seems that the gut reaction is to stuff those feelings that make us feel embarrassed or ashamed when we should be dealing with them.  If there’s a person in your life that is triggering jealousy and you end up feeling resentment or anger towards that person, the reaction I see most often is to try to cover it up.  You know you shouldn’t feel that way so you begin forcing yourself to move past it by layering emotions that seem right or acceptable on top of it.  That may work for a while, but it doesn’t solve the problem.  You have to deal with what’s causing the negative emotions.  You have to deal with root of the problem.

When looking at myself, I find that I often don’t want to be that vulnerable, even with God.  I don’t want to look that closely and see those things about myself that aren’t so pretty.  I just don’t want to admit that all that negative stuff is there, but it’s the only way to get it out.  To admit that I’m jealous, resentful, or angry is the only way to start to get rid of it.  Those are not the things that I want to take root in my life, the fruit that those things produce is not pleasant, and is not constructive to the plans that God has for me, and so to move forward I have to address it and lay it down.  I must understand what’s causing it and how to move past it.  Luckily we are never alone in this process.

I really and truly believe that God wants us to be totally healed from the all past hurts and all negative emotions and fallout that have taken root in our lives.  He is right there beside as we deal with those difficult emotions, and He’s right there to take them from us as we roll them onto the cross.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. Galatians 5:22-26

how’s your spirit?

Proverbs 18:14

The Message “A healthy spirit conquers adversity, 
but what can you do when the spirit is crushed?”

NIV “A man’s spirit sustains him in sickness, 
but a crushed spirit who can bear?”

Romans 12:1 NIV “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship.”

Luke 1:46-47 NIV And Mary said: 
“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior”

2 Timothy 4:21 NIV “The Lord be with your spirit. Grace be with you.”

We spend so much time making sure our bodies are healthy and place so much focus on fostering our soul’s longing for Christ, but lately I see that our sweet, God given spirits become neglected.  I’m not saying that we shouldn’t take care of our mind, body, and soul; I’m just saying that I think we often forget to minister to our spirit, or we don’t realize how important a healthy spirit is.

I’ve had the privilege to spend this week with a group of wonderful pastors, counselors, and God-fearing people who are taking an active stance in spiritual warfare and kingdom living.  It’s been such a blessing.  One of the things we’ve been talking about is taking care of your spirit; blessing your spirit.  I think it becomes evident in scripture that your spirit is a precious entity that needs attention.  Often scripture alludes to both the soul and spirit; I don’t think it’s just flowery language but rather it’s two separate parts that both need nourishment.

What I’ve learned this week is that it’s as simple as asking your spirit if it’s ok, asking your spirit if it is being bound, or needs healing, and letting God show you how to heal it.  In my experience if God shows you what’s hurting He will show you the way back to joy.  I think that it’s a process, another part of the journey.  I’m still learning and letting the Father teach me. But for me, starting this journey of connecting with my God-given spirit and finding out what hurts it, what has “crushed” it (Proverbs 18:14); in one evening it has already made a difference.

A precious friend shared these books with my mother and I this week, and when it comes time to minister to your spirit these prayers and scriptures are uplifting and helpful; however I think that along the way many of our spirits need to be knit back together, to forgive what has “crushed” them, and allow God to heal them. From there we continue to nourish and strengthen our spirits through the truth, which is the Word.

Blessing Your Spirit by: Sylvia Gunter & Arthur Burk

You are blessed in the names of God by: Sylvia Gunter

Let’s Dance.

Psalm 30:11

NIV “You turned my wailing into dancing; 
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy”

KJV “Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness”

NKJV “ You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; 
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness”

The Message “You did it: you changed wild lament 
into whirling dance; 
You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers.”

ASV “ Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing”

It does not matter what translation you look it; the message is clear. The Lord has turned mourning into dancing. It’s not just that God puts us back together and we are happy again, it’s so much more. It’s not just that we no longer mourn, but that we can DANCE!

When I’m so excited I start jumping and twirling with arms over head, I’m more that just happy, I’m more than fine, I’m full of JOY! That’s the kind of transformation God likes to bless us with. I love that these verses give all credit to God – “YOU did it” “THOU hast turned for me” “YOU have turned” God does it all. He alone replaces our mourning with joy. He alone provides the healing we need to dance.

Forgiven

I’m the type of person who tends to be very hard on myself.  When I mess up, sin, and fall short I’m the type of person who beats myself up about it.  I have no trouble believing that God forgives me, and I find that it so much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive myself.  I believe that Christ loved me so much that He died for my sins, my mistakes, my mess-ups, and all the negative feelings associated with them – He took it all – the sin and the fallout.  I usually find that when I hurt others they too can forgive me; it may take time and healing, but forgiveness is there.

Forgiving myself and really letting go takes much, much longer.  However, not forgiving myself is also a sin, and by grace I am forgiven for that too.  So here goes forgiving and loving myself.  Forgiving myself for falling short this morning, and forgiving myself for things done years ago.  Jesus did not die so that I would continually beat myself up over my shortcomings.  We all sin, we all fall short.  Perfect is not an option, and why would I want to be perfect? If I were perfect I wouldn’t need grace.  I’m glad I need grace.

The mind-set that I have to hold on and continue to punish myself for things that I have called sin and asked the Lord’s forgiveness for, is not of Christ.  It must be dealt with because it rises up against the love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness that Christ gladly offers.

Lord, please forgive my unforgiveness. By not forgiving myself, I am not fully accepting what You did that day on the cross.  You have forgiven me, and the matter is settled. I am washed clean by the blood of the Lamb. I am complete in You, Yeshua Ha Meshiach.

washed by the water

I love this song.  I love the reminder of being washed by the water; having the Holy Spirit wash over me. I really love the way this song sounds; it makes me want to move – arms wide, hips swaying, singing along. For me this is a song that just feels good.

“Just tryin’ to make the world a little better
You know, shine a light”